The Four Stages Every Marriage Goes Through (And Why You're Not Failing)

So I did an Instagram Live recently that got quite a bit of traction—The Four Stages of Marriage! I invited Meenu Mourya, Mindset Coach, to join the conversation to lend her expertise to the topic---here's the truth: Your marriage is supposed to change and evolve.  The challenge you're facing is probably completely normal for the stage you're in. Let's get into it and see if you recognize the stage you are currently in or may have already passed.

Stage 1: Romance & Infatuation (0-2 years)

What's happening: Your brain is high on love drugs (literally—dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin). You're seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses and want to spend every moment together. But the reality you're not seeing each other clearly yet. You're avoiding red flags, installing blinders and making major decisions based on temporary feelings.

Mindfulness: Enjoy the ride, however, maintain some individual identity. Pay attention to how your partner handles stress—this can reveal a lot about them.  Therefore, this is a great time to introduce each other to different social settings and situations, and practice open communication about expectations and values.

Stage 2: Power Struggle (2-5 years)

At this stage the the love drugs is wearing off of has worn off. Your partner's cute quirks now starting to irritate you to no end. You find yourselves fighting more often, which leads you to question whether you have made the mistake of marrying the wrong person.  But the reality is you are finally seeing each other clearly.  This isn't failure—it's the most important growth phase of your relationship. 

Here's what you can do: Focus on understanding your partner instead of trying to change them. Learn to fight fair: use "I" statements, listen to understand (not to win), and tackle problems together instead of attacking each other. Remember teamwork is essential during this stage.

Stage 3: Stability & Commitment (5-15 years)

Here's the stage where acceptance emerges, mainly because you know who your partner really is—flaws and all—and you're choosing them anyway.  At this stage you should have learned emotion regulation and emotional intelligence.  You're functioning as a real team, a well oiled machine.  This is the sweet spot, but watch out for complacency! Life starts getting busy, you both might have become more settled in the marriage and you could start taking each other for granted.

Here's how to avoid complacency:  Be intentional about connection. Schedule weekly one-on-one time (yes, schedule it, put it on the calendar) and do monthly relationship check-ins: "How are we doing? What do you need more of? What can I do better?" Don't be afraid to have those vulnerable conversations, that's how you grow.

Stage 4: Co-Creation & Legacy (15+ years)

You're building something bigger than just making each other happy. Your connection has deepened; you have evolved into a partnership in almost everything you do. You have now developed a love based on a daily choice and a deeper knowing. Keep in mind, even at this stage you are still evolving. Physical intimacy might change from less physical to more affection. Your communication should be getting much better and more refined, individual dreams still need support. This is the stage when you start thinking about what your legacy.  What will it look like and what type of mark do we, individually and as a couple, want to leave in the world.

To avoid the slump: Have a regular relationship renewal. Every year, ask yourselves: "What do we want to create together this year? How do we want to grow?" Then make a plan for it. Being married 30+ years, my husband and I are at this stage, we find joy in traveling and we make a plan for it every year. That's when we truly disconnect from everything we are familiar with and just enjoy each other for a month at a time. 

Your daily practice: Express appreciation regularly, maintain physical touch, keep individual friendships alive, and remember—you're not trying to avoid challenges, you're learning to navigate them together. 

What's Your Next Step?

Identify where you are right now. Which stage resonates most with your current experience? Share this with your partner and discuss: "This is normal for where we are, however, how do we grow through this together?" Remember: The couples who make it aren't the ones who never struggle—they're the ones who understand that struggle is part of the growth process.

Which stage are you in? Send me a DM @karenwillcoach — or visit my website, would love to hear about your journeys and cheer you on. 

I leave you with this: Marriage isn't a destination—it's a journey of continuous growth. Don't ever stop growing. 

Karen is a certified relationship coach | Founder of Karen Williams Coaching | Author | Speaker  based in Las Vegas NV