Excerpt from: “She Said Yes, Now What?”: Practical Workbook and Guide for Premarital Couples

 

Module 9: Self-Awareness

Self-awareness encompasses your identity and self-image; the way you view yourself and the way you believe others view you. Additionally, how well do you take ownership of your thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviors.    

Our identity should be at the heart of our roles; however, our roles are often at the heart of our identity.  In today’s society, we get caught up with what we do (career roles, relationship roles, etc.) and allow those things to define us. To the point where we lose ourselves, when we no longer operate in those roles. However, if we know ourselves and our life’s purpose, that becomes the driving force behind everything we do. We will never lose self in the process because we become driven by that purpose and not the role. Some couples make the mistake of entering marriage, with the hope of finding their identity in the marriage. Meanwhile, there are others who lose it over the course of the marriage.  

Discussion Questions #1 and #4 from the workbook:  The following questions are designed to help create space for you to be honest with yourself and your partner. Some couples are reluctant to discuss these topics, often out of fear of how they might be perceived by their partner.

 ·         Give a description of who you are, without mentioning what you do:

·         What are some of your insecurities?

Insecurity often produces unreasonable expectations and unhealthy communication with our future spouse.

 Examples of some unreasonable expectations:

 

• Marrying you will make me happy!
• I expect you to meet all my needs
• Spending most of the day together is expected
• When we are apart, I expect you to check in at regular intervals
• My spouse will provide for me like my parents did, or better

 End Excerpt –

I recently read a post from a bride to-be. Her wedding was two months away, when she discovered her and her fiancé have a major financial conflict. They could agree on how their household income should be disseminated.  She was clearly distraught based on the tone of her post. As we find ourselves in the middle of wedding season, let me remind you to take full advantage of the resources that are available to you via my website, Facebook group and Instagram. This workbook was written with you in mind, providing you with the tools you need to lay a firm foundation on which to build your marriage. To grab your copy click here. 

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